The Barefoot Believers Page 21

  “I just…They…” He shuffled his tennis shoes, curled his keys into his fist then clenched his jaw. “The commitment of being a father, them both being dependent on me for so much, doubting myself, not knowing what the future holds, it all scares me. Sometimes I just have to get away.”

  “I know that feeling.”

  His expression shifted from anxiety to disbelief. “You do?”

  “Yeah, a lot of years ago a little boy scared me like that,” she murmured.

  “Me? I don’t recall any trip to the emergency room with you, Kate. Was I sick?”

  “No. But you were hurting. You were vulnerable. You looked to me to help make it all better and it terrified me.”

  “I didn’t think you were ever scared of anything.”

  “Are you kidding? I was petrified.”

  “Of what?”

  “Of the chance that I might lose you.”

  “You mean that you might lose my dad?” he corrected, all cynical and so much older than his years suggested.

  Kate recognized that feeling. It broke her heart and healed it all at once. She had made something of her life and Gentry could, too.

  “No. This wasn’t about your dad and me.” She paused to gather her thoughts, then pressed on, determined not to hedge or hide anything. “I wasn’t afraid of a grown-up relationship failing. I guess I thought that if that happened we’d both have played a part in it, we’d both have options all along the way. But you didn’t have any choice and because you weren’t mine by birth, that meant I wouldn’t have any choice, either.”

  “You thought that if you admitted you loved me that I wouldn’t be the only one left vulnerable.” He pegged it.

  Kate nodded. “I wasn’t able to take that risk. I couldn’t love you enough knowing you could be taken from me and I would be helpless to stop it.”

  “So…you’re saying…you didn’t love me?”

  Promise you will always love me, Kate. Promise you will always be my mom.

  The words the young Gentry had said to her that had sent her running so long ago came back so clear in her mind that she could hear the break in his young voice, the rasp of breath he’d taken before he had uttered the thing he longed for most in the world, mom.

  “I told myself that for so long. That I’d merely been infatuated with your dad and just a little charmed by his son.” Kate fought to hold the tears back. She sniffled. “But I can tell you, honestly, that I have thought of you both so often over the years. Wondered what became of you. Even prayed for you.”

  “Yeah?” The doubt in his face began to fade.

  “Yeah.” She gathered her composure and found it in herself to say what needed to be said. “I am so sorry, Gentry. I should have been up-front with you even when you were a kid. I should have told you when you asked me if I would stay and be part of the family that that was what I wanted more than anything. And that I was afraid because things don’t always work out the way we want them.”

  “Wow. You know my dad had other girlfriends after you.”

  “I’m sure he did.” Even as she said it, she wondered if she had been sure. In her mind, Vince and Gentry had stayed frozen in time, the two of them living like some TV sitcom duo playing along the beach, learning and growing and trying to make do without her by their side.

  “I only say that in case it alleviates some of that guilt, you know, about you leaving me without saying that stuff.”

  “Oh.”

  “It would have been cool and all.”

  “If I had said it?”

  “No, Kate.” His mouth set for a moment, then twitched and his voice barely rose above a raspy whisper as he said, “If you had stayed.”

  Kate nodded because if she had said anything just then it would have come out choked and ended with a sob.

  “But I don’t want you to think that Dad couldn’t have changed things sooner. Or that I couldn’t have changed things these last few years. I mean, not that I had a bad life or have done bad things. But this whole going from school to school, job to job then just getting married, having a baby and now my wife getting sick of my refusing to grow up and moving on without me, I don’t want you to think that’s your fault, even in a small way.”

  “I appreciate your saying that.”

  “And I appreciate your calling me. And kicking me into gear.” He looked again down the hallway, took a few steps in the direction of the exam rooms, then turned back to talk to Kate. “I would have come if Pera had asked. Any time day or night. But she hasn’t asked, so I’ve been staying away.”

  “The problem with waiting for someone else to make the first move is that they may think they already have.”

  “By leaving?”

  Kate tipped her head to one side.

  “Is that what you did with Dad?”

  “Not as a game or a test. I really was scared. I really couldn’t see what else to do but if he had come after me and asked me to be a part of his family, not just his wife…”

  “Family,” he echoed softly. “Scary, huh?”

  “The scariest. And the best thing that can happen to a person. That is why I so want you to do the right thing for your child—because I know what it means to live with the regret of having let fear drive you away.” She reached out to touch Gentry’s cheek when a voice from behind her startled her.

  “And just how do you imagine you have any right to say something like that to my kid?”

  She whirled around. “Vince!”

  “Dad? What’re you doing here?”

  “Dr. Lloyd’s nurse just called me to okay billing me for some antibiotics for the baby. That’s how I found out the baby was sick, not from my daughter-in-law, not from my son and not from someone who used to be…a friend.”

  Used to be a friend? What did that mean? She flashed back to that long-ago argument where Vince had made clear that Gentry was his family, not hers. She had tried to amend that today, tried to make up for not standing up for the boy and for her rightful place in his and Vince’s lives. But now, seeing Vince here with a chill in his gaze and hearing the disappointment in his voice, she wondered if she had made another miscalculation. Maybe she hadn’t matured as much as she needed to where this matter was concerned?

  “It’s not that big of a deal, Vince.” She tried to placate him, beginning with a calming reassurance. “Babies run fevers all the time. Hardly the kind of thing that you call around getting people worked up over without more information. It’s probably just a—”

  “Haven’t you interfered enough? I don’t care what you and I were to each other a lifetime ago. We are virtually strangers now. And strangers do not stick their noses into family business.”

  Apparently it was not her who had failed to mature here. Vince had cowed her with that protective daddy act years ago but she would not slink away from it now. For once, Scat-Kat-Katie would hold her ground. “I’m not a stranger, Vince, I’m a doctor. It made sense for Esperanza to bring the baby to me first.”

  “And for you to take it upon yourself to call my kid?”

  She shifted her weight off her aching foot but did not retreat a single step. “To call the baby’s father. Yes.”

  “To do the ‘right thing,’ as you put it?”

  She planted her cane firmly between them. “Yes.”

  “Dad!” Gentry stood shoulder to shoulder with Kate, even though his was considerably higher up than hers.

  Vince ignored the gesture.

  Kate understood it completely. This wasn’t about Gentry. This was about Kate coming back to town and acting as if she had a place here, a place in his family.

  “So that brings me back to my first question,” he said. “Where do you get off telling my kid what the right thing to do is?”

  “Calling him and expecting him to take responsibility for his wife and child was the right thing to do, Vince.” She tried to infuse her words with empathy and encouragement. She needed him to know she had not blasted back into town and immediately
jumped to the conclusion that he was a failure as a father. “Any fool could see it.”

  He jerked his head to one side. “Did you just call me a fool?”

  “No. I…” Had she? That was exactly what she wanted to avoid. Why didn’t anything between the two of them ever come out the way she hoped? “I…I think I just called myself one.”

  Vince glowered.

  Gentry chuckled.

  Kate clutched her cane. If he wanted to, Vince could break the tension by laughing himself. Vince always laughed. It was how he dealt with life. She waited.

  He remained silent.

  Finally Gentry slapped his father on the back and said, “It’s just a loan, though, Dad. I got a job working Mondays through Saturdays with overtime. That’s why I wasn’t there to help with the move and why I couldn’t bring groceries over, Kate. I tried to call Moxie back and tell her, but I couldn’t get through.”

  “Oh.” That explained that but did not smooth out the prickling friction between Vince and herself.

  “I was going to tell you, Dad, but I thought you’d…Well, it’s in construction and I thought if I told you, you’d do that ‘let me put a good word in’ thing you do.”

  “You actually know some ‘good’ words?” Kate had thought it would sound funnier than it did. Lighten the mood.

  Kate was wrong.

  “Yeah, I know some good words,” Vince muttered. “How about respect? How about consideration? How about—”

  “I can pay you back for the medicine when I get my first paycheck, Dad.” Another slap on the back. “I put in as much overtime as I could so—”

  “You don’t have to pay me back for my granddaughter’s medicine,” Vince snapped, though he never took his gaze from Kate’s.

  “But I want to.”

  Vince looked at Gentry, clearly surprised by his sudden assertiveness.

  Kate felt protective of the boy. After all, she had been the one to kick-start him. “You should really let him do this, Vince.”

  “You should really stay out of this.” He turned away from Kate, then said to his son, “I am not going to make you pay me back for something Fabbie needs.”

  “It’s not a matter of making him.” Kate ignored the message of the man putting his broad back to her, which wasn’t easy given the width of his shoulders and the fact that they practically radiated tension, for which she knew she was the source. “It’s a matter of letting him. Let him be the head of his own household, Vince, let go of him even if it means letting him fail.”

  “Don’t you lecture me on letting go of anything, Kate Cromwell.” He turned around, his eyes unable to conceal the old wounds of the loss of his wife, Kate’s rejection and now the reality that his son was going to grow up and leave him as well. “Don’t even presume you know what you’re talking about on that score.”

  She opened her mouth, about to remind him of the loss of her baby sister. And maybe to tell him how she had grieved over running away from him and Gentry, too.

  She didn’t get out a single syllable before he narrowed his eyes and said, “You’ve never allowed yourself to care about anything or anyone enough to know there are some things worth hanging on to.”

  He yanked out his wallet and handed some cash to his son. “I’m going over to the rental house to do some work. I’ll see you there later.”

  And Vince was gone.

  A young doctor came out into the waiting area talking with a relaxed and chatty Esperanza, holding her baby, who was waving around a yellow sucker.

  Gentry touched Kate on the arm.

  It was all the thank-you he offered and all that she needed as she watched him hurry up to the group, take the baby in his arms and give Esperanza a kiss on the cheek.

  Kate rubbed her temple. She had a headache. And a footache. And…if she were totally honest with herself?

  She looked at Gentry’s relieved expression, then at the door where Vince had just stormed out.

  She also had a heartache.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “I still can’t believe they just left you there.” Moxie helped Kate around the side of the house. After helping her get out of Moxie’s old truck. After helping her get out of a fix when the well-meaning doctor had found herself stranded at the urgent-care clinic.

  “They didn’t mean to, I’m sure. Dr. Lloyd started asking me questions about my foot and they needed to get the baby those antibiotics.”

  “Don’t you start making excuses for Gentry, Kate. The kid is a—”

  “Man. The ‘kid’ is a man and it’s time people around here began treating him that way.”

  “He left you at the clinic, Kate.”

  “So did his father and I don’t see anyone in this town going around questioning his maturity.”

  “Present company excepted?” Moxie reached the corner of the house and waited for Kate to catch up.

  Kate faltered, grimaced.

  Moxie extended her hand for support.

  Kate swept the gesture aside with one well-aimed swing of her cane and began forward movement again. “I can make my way into the house from here.”

  “I was told to get you home and not to leave until I saw you seated, leg up, and checked to make sure you had actually swallowed your meds, not just poked them under your tongue to spit out as soon as no one was looking. Doctor’s orders.”

  Kate shot her a sly glance. “Why do I think you don’t really take orders from the cutie-pie doc unless they are orders you already planned to follow through on?”

  “He is cute, isn’t he?” Moxie picked her way through the junk in the so-called garden, leading the way for a beleaguered Kate. She wondered why Jo hadn’t seen to this mess first, as it would be the easiest thing on the list to clear out by herself.

  At the thought of the list, Moxie remembered the offer she had jotted down. She took a second to scan the area for the piece of paper that she had stuffed under a potted plant when she’d come over with her recommendations.

  “Still there,” she muttered.

  “Don’t I know it?” Kate agreed.

  “You…know?” Moxie glanced at the paper again, knowing that wasn’t really the topic of this snippet of conversation. Opting to retrieve the offer when she left later today, she turned to the woman behind her and confessed, “I’m sorry. My mind wandered and I think I even started talking to myself.”

  “Oh, you are much too young for that route!” Kate chuckled, wobbled, steadied herself with her cane then began picking her way through the land of tacky trinkets once again. When she reached the deck where Moxie stood, she looked up. “How old are you, anyway? If you don’t mind my asking?”

  “Thirty-one.” Moxie gave a half shrug and waited.

  “Thirty-one?” Kate frowned.

  Here it comes.

  “All these years I pictured the person taking care of this cottage as some sweet dear old thing who took in stray cats and wore aprons and sun hats and high-top sneakers.”

  “Who knows, maybe one day that will be me! I like the sound of it, anyway.” She flexed her fingers to keep herself from just reaching out and snagging Kate to steady her as she took the steps. “Oh, and thanks.”

  “For what?” Kate took one step then paused to catch her breath.

  “Not asking the usual.”

  “The usual?” Another step. Another pause.

  “Thirty-one? And not married yet?”

  Kate rolled her eyes, drew in a deep breath then took the last step. “That would be a bit like the pot…”

  Clunk. Down came her cane on the deck proper at last.

  “…the much older pot and so single she doesn’t even have a boyfriend, much less an adorable doctor with his own urgent-care clinic…”

  Thump. She swung her cast up and landed it with enough force to make Moxie wince.

  “…disparaging the marital status of the kettle.”

  Moxie clenched her teeth, knowing to the very core of her being that Kate would not welcome help from her
at this point. How did she know that? She just did. Because…And even as the thought occurred to her, it also came to her how odd a comparison it was…because that was how Moxie would feel. She would rather do it herself and fail than have somebody take pity on her and offer unasked-for assistance.

  “Well, thank you, anyway.” Moxie stole one last peek to make sure the offer stayed tucked away, then swung open the back door.

  Kate nodded her appreciation for the gesture and kept moving along. “How long have you two been together?”

  “His dad, ol’ Doc Lloyd, was chief of staff at our little hospital forever, so he grew up here.”

  “High-school sweethearts?”

  “Hardly, I was homeschooled and took my GED when I was sixteen.”

  “Really?”

  “My mom left then. My dad was a mess. It didn’t seem like a great time to suddenly learn how to cope with the public school system.” Why had she told the woman that? Moxie ducked her head slightly and adjusted the simple straw hat she had worn to church this morning. As soon as she got Kate settled, she’d climb into a pair of overalls and comfy clogs and spend the rest of the day…doing exactly what she wanted. Which probably meant working. “Besides, even at sixteen I already knew what I wanted to do.”

  “I could tell that about you the first time we met.” Kate reached the doorway and took a moment to lean against it before going on. She didn’t seem the least bit put off by Moxie practically sharing her life story. “You just seem to know what you want out of life.”

  “Thanks, but it’s not such a big deal. I just want what most people do. To be happy. To have a purpose. To be loved.”

  “And something tells you that marrying Dr. Lionel Lloyd won’t bring you those things?”

  “I don’t think those things come from other people,” she said softly. “Oh, and thanks yet again.”

  “For?”

  “Not assuming he was the marriage holdout.”

  “Him? The man who spent ten minutes chewing me out about not allowing my foot to heal properly then followed it up with an open invitation to move to Santa Sofia and become a partner in his clinic?”

  Moxie laughed. “He’s also the type who knows what he wants.”